Hugo and I got into some deep family conversation last night. He came over to share a beer while I made dinner, our every once in awhile hanging out in the porch time. He's pretty open about his family and never hesitates to explain what he's going through with me. I really appreciate that and it makes me start to feel like a part of his family. I feel like we have gotten very close since I've been here. On the other hand, I have also learned some certain things that I don't agree with. I try not to emphasize on it. Instead, I choose to have a brief and firm discussion with him about it, only leaving it to the universe and hoping that it would stick. I'm not gonna broadcast his personal and family life here, obviously. I'll just strictly keep it as it is. Whatever allows my head and my feelings to come out here will come out here.
Last night was something of a different story. He usually tells me how he wants to sell this house, where I'm living at, since I've moved here, and I usually just let it pass, to not have to think bad about it. I just moved here and there's really no reason why he would want me out already and he knows I'm not a baller who would want to buy this house from him. I take a different approach instead. I suggest to him that it would be better to keep it, first for his daughters and grandson, second, because of how valuable lands are here. He's got plenty of property, but this house has some important meaning especially because it's right next to where he is living. I tell him that I say this not because I'm living here, and for not wanting to have to move again, but because of the significant value of this place. Atleast once in awhile he would remind me of this. How he wants to sell this house. But his daughter told him to just leave it alone, and that gives me a bit of assurance. When he said it again last night, that started to bother me. I woke up pretty early this morning, unusually. And the first thing that came out of my mind is that, how he keeps telling me that he wants to sell this property. Then I started connecting the dots. I'm starting to think that maybe I should come up with a back up plan just incase he go full on forward with what's his thinking. I wouldn't be upset if he wants to sell this and me having to find another place and move again. Sure, I think it will be painful for me, but what would be more is the way he goes about it, his flakiness that bothers me in this particular situation. It gives me anxiety. It had happened to me before in my first site and I wouldn't want it to happen again. I keep revising myself if I had done anything wrong, or done something, or not done something that makes this happen. But the truth of it is that I think it's because of me being from a different breed. I can't also be straight to him because that wouldn't help my situation. I'm just thinking, I would really be upset and our friendship would go to shit if he decides to continue on how he's going about it.
Generally speaking, Paraguayans are very nice bunch of people. They are so nice that they have no method or would choose not to have confrontations. They would rather give you a bs reason for anything just not to have an argument. You just don't see real arguments around here. I really hope this situation with profe gets better. This bothers me because from all this time, my relationship with them, his family, has been fantastic. There has to be other good reasons why he keeps saying what he's saying. If he wants me out, it will be sad and I'm out of here. If he thinks by constantly telling me how he wants to sell this will make me buy the house, ha! I am in no way fit to buy this thing. I just hope that if he decides to do so or if he's for real with this, that he doesn't give me a bs reason to do it. I can only hope on this. So now the only thing I can do is hang in there. Go with it. But I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a back-up plan and start scouting for another place to live just in case things go to shit.
Just got back this evening from rock climbing. I just saw that I didn't publish this last post so I thought I'd continue with how the day went today. I'll make it brief as I am tired. Overall, it was a healthy and turns out to be a great day trip. Saw some peeps I haven't seen in awhile and met some new ones. The trip also helped me work the situation in my head that was bothering me this morning. It got me thinking that perhaps I should take it a bit lightly. Climbing made me feel better about what had bothered me. I figure, I can't really let it get to me and I can only do so much about the situation. It's just another one of those situation you deal with when you're in a position like myself, volunteering in this country. This kind of situation, challenges are becoming normal in the day to day and at some point it will all just diminish. In a bigger picture, it's one of those situation that you have to look at it and treat it as a dot in the whole painting of life. I can't really have it mess with my head and emotions all day.
I've been thinking about a pattern that's been happening lately. It's like this. After some great moments, happy moments, a ting! in mind will come up and will remind me of how the past days have been great. Once I acknowledge how great some consecutive days have been, things seems to go on a backflip. There'd be things that would come up that would be upsetting or disappointing. There's gotta be a way to prevent this. I don't know exactly quite yet on how to prevent it, but I know one thing. Those happy moments are what I think is being in bliss. And I think that's what's being genuinely and consistently happy.
That's it for now. Good night, good day, or good morning.